Everyone has a morning ritual. 

Short of the baby falling out of her crib (God help me) this ritual can not be disturbed. 

First things first...get your damned old, creeking body to the bathroom and relieve yourself...while you drain the bladder, the water is warming in the sink for hand and face washing...contacts in....brush teeth...dress...you're good. 

That's my morning wake up routine.

This morning...after I limped and stumbled into our bathroom...I sat (looking first to make sure nothing was lurking in the bowl.)  I began my morning relief when I let out a series of perfectly timed...right on the beat...air-ey, empty, dry toots that played out in perfect time, "Shave and a Haircut...two bits!"

I thought to myself...'this is going to be a good day.'

Happy tooting every one...it's Monday...fart once and get your week started!