Quotes From Carlin
Today's quotes are from none other then George Carlin. There are WAY too many to post, but I grabbed some I like!
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
It's never just a game when you're winning.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
Religion is just mind control.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
and finally....
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
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