It's not even been twelve hours and it's incredible how much life has been altered.

To begin with, after lunch I went to the pantry cupboard for a small handful of Chocolate chips the way we often do...but when I closed the door, she was not eagerly awaiting her allotment of 2 chips that she always received.  I never realized how much sweeter she made the chocolate.

Tonight to make my boys feel better I went to the cupboard to give them pig ears.  They come in bags of 6...they all three had one each yesterday...so tonight there would be one left over.

The fact that we only have two official dog bowls in our kitchen never bothered me before.  We had three but they are ceramic and one broke a while ago.  Suddenly the presence of only two bowls cuts through me.

After Ellie's bath I sat on my couch.  That felt like an instant betrayal.  Adrian has occupied the couch for as long as I can remember and I became overwhelmed with the guilt that I was already in her seat so soon....I moved to the beanbag.

Westmoreland had their town Christmas celebration tonight....Santa on the firetruck followed by fireworks.  Fireworks that would have sent Adrian into a panting, inconsolable mess for the rest of the evening.  She was always terrified of the noise.  Tonight however, as I sat at the back door and watched them with my one year old in my lap, it felt like some kind of ceremonious tribute to our dog...to our best friend...to our oldest daughter.  Brett and I both cried as we sat in the dark and watched them light up the sky with remembrance of our girl.

I am guilty however of feeling a bit relieved tonight as we didn't have to watch Ellen's every move in fear that she may climb on her and get bitten....again the guilt returns when I realize that I don't have to let anyone out before bed because she's not there to have an accident on the couch...

        ...but now I dread the thought of weekend pancakes in the morning.  Adrian and I always have pancakes together .  None of the boys like them at all.  Brett makes them for Ade and I every weekend...what will we do now with the left over batter?

It's going to be hard to get to sleep tonight even though my eyes are burning.  We have spent the day reminiscing.  Remembering how she played ball all by herself.  How she walked when she pee'd.  That she would bark all night long in her crate as a puppy and never give up.  How I swore that no matter what my dogs would never be on the furniture, yet as my 6 week old puppy pulled herself up to me I didn't have the heart to put her back on the floor.  We talked about how much she loved to swim.  How Rocky would get one of her toys out just to lure her out of Brett's lap when he wanted to be there....but also how he would get her toy for her when it would roll to where she was afraid to go after it.  I remember the day she got her curious little head stuck in the Pepsi box.  And I will miss the "girls club" meetings Adrian, Maybe and I used to have in here from time to time to discuss the boys. 

Our lives will never be the same.....this is very true  There is a void in our hearts and in our family.  But we do have ten years of wonderful memories of a beautiful, loyal loving little girl that filled our lives and our hearts forever.  

She was a good, loving dog...that could never hold her "lick-er."


Please, go hug your pet....