Tuesday I went against my instincts and it turned out HORRIBLE...

I have never, ever, in the history of my 4 year relationship with my daughter, have I ever been anything but straight up with her. I never lie, never sugar coat anything. The world, is good, and the world is bad... its easy, but also hard. Ellen knows these things and my honesty is why she always trusts me in anything I ever ask her to do.

The night before I mentioned going to an appointment and she asked me for what. I was reluctant, but went ahead and told her she was getting her flu shot. She took the news badly and made us all wish I had never opened my mouth.

Tuesday as I needed her to get dressed to go, I lied. I told her I needed to get something at the grocery store and she should go with me. She said very politely, "no thank you."

Crap...

Finally I told her she had to go because we had to visit her doctor. Ellen apparently forgot about the flu shot conversation from the night before and reluctantly got dressed and went with me. She merrily told me stories the entire way to the Pediatric's office.

She went right inside, played with the other kids awaiting their flu shot doom... even pretended to act out the Lion King for who ever would watch.

She marched right in, and told the nurse that she's been feeling better... so cute.

She had no idea what was about to happen.

The nurse took her arm and she panicked as she watched the shot go into her arm. She cried a tad but not from the pain,  She cried because it scared her and I had never explained what was happening. I had let her down. I went against my instincts to always be honest with her and tried the surprise attack. So she cried - nothing too serious, just scared. And this made me feel horrible.  If I had told her what was happening, she would have protested but still done it, because I asked her to.

So later we're in the car and she's telling me about the aching in her arm and how the medicine travels through her body.  We arrived at Best Buy to purchase Spooky Buddies (a promise I had made along the way) and as we got out of the car, we noticed that LaLee and Fuzzy (her new blanky thing) were missing.

I had left them in the waiting room... what the hell. I'm better then that! I never EVER leave LaLee any where!

She cried her way through Best Buy and most of the way home telling me repeatedly how scared they would be without her.  She then asked if a 'cat stealer' would take them... ?  Cat Burglar I corrected her and told her there were no such thing any more as cat burglars.  Then she went back to LaLee being scared without her. 

So I did another imaginable thing... I told her it was time for a reality check - LaLee is just a piece of material and doesn't feel anything.... 

What the Hell !!! 

I'm the one that created the whole LaLee back story and how she came to live with us!! 

I'm the one that believes EVERYTHING has feelings!! 

EVERYTHING!!

I was just a motherly mess that afternoon... doing it all wrong... 

It is what it is... LaLee and Fuzzy were fine and made it home the next day unharmed.  Ellen watched the Buddies that night and never gave it another though.  Arm never bothered her again.  And I am still her favorite person.

I will however never go back down those roads again.  Straight up honesty policy is back in tact and LaLee is as alive and wonderful as you and me.

....   breathe