Michelle Ann Cramer, Author

Last Time at Limekiln

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Sun, 27 May 2012 20:42:08 GMT

Since I have no internet service in the woods I jotted down my thoughts as we went along.

1. Black Flies Suck!!

2. I can’t leave the camper because the black flies swarm to me – no one else – just me! On top of that, I have no internet service. What will I do for 4 days without Face Book and Twitter to keep me company?

3. We have a bear box … that’s comforting to campers.

4. I told my daughter that you haven’t lived until you’ve danced to Super Tramp – she danced to three songs Thursday night!

5. No one leaves this camper before 8 am (except dogs to pee) and I have my child convinced that it’s quiet time in the park until 9am or we will go to jail… I desperately wish other parents would follow this code.

6. I’d really like to go all Rambo on the black Flies asses (envisioning me in red bandana)

7. Friday morning was the healthiest I’ve ever lived. My husband and daughter went to town, so I got up, cleaned the camper, walked the dogs around the loop (even when I wanted to cut through and avoid the hill) then had strawberries for breakfast. Of course when they returned, I have buttery toast and from there the feeding frenzy began. To hell with the bears, look out for hungry Michelle

8. My daughter loves everything beautiful in nature. She’d spend all day picking rocks, flowers and leaves if we’d let her.

9. My poor little girl’s neck has been eaten bloody by the black flies… my poor girl. [This is way too reminiscent of the Poison Ivy attack of 2011.]

10. Ellen met a pug today named Tommy… she was in heaven.

11. I’m starting to understand Hilary Clinton a little better – Black Flies may be the death of me.

12. There’s no internet service… I drove to town just to make communications.

13. Why does husband never sleep past 6:30 and have to stir the whole camper?

14. Ryder finally pooped and it was a good one! (sat morning)

15. I love Bacon!

16. Daughter’s blank sketch book is my favorite thing! We spent all weekend drawing!!

17. A sparkler burnt my tushie… L

18. My daughter glowed in green neon when her glow bracelet broke.

19. Hate black flies – love bacon

20. Celtics are on Sat night which means we may leave early… this is the nonstop discussion as is everything with indecisive Batsons. It doesn’t help the staying side that we have no refrigerator and food is going bad.

21. Tadpoles! The water’s edge was a blanket of Tadpoles! You couldn’t move without seeing the whole lake floor move. Finally Brett caught one in a bucket for Ellie to see up close. She of course tried to squeeze it, until it flopped on to the beach and my husband once again had to catch the slippery little sucker to get him back in the water!

22. Later I almost stepped on a lizards just strolling along the bottom of Limekiln Lake. At this point I’m done with the water. I can’t trust what I am stepping on and the little creatures don’t move fast enough for me to know they got out of the way.

23. Conquered my fears for my little girl and ran right into the water!

24. He doesn’t know how to relax

25. This kid never rests…

26. Maggie loves to swim!

27. Ryder’s definitely grown up since last year’s camping trip.

28. Screaming kid in the showers (grateful it’s not mine.)

29. I love to see happy clean campers emerging from their rejuvenating showers!

30. I wish I’d of brought the razor with me to the shower… Prickly…

31. No Verizon Network … out of touch now with civilization for 3 full days… à am cracking up

32. Lunar Moths are HUGE!

33. Camper’s out of fresh water… flushing with a water jug at this point L

34. I need a nap…

35. Black Flies have dissipated and I was able to leave the camper on the last day – yeahhhhh…..

36. How does she keep going this long?

37. It turns out I burned the camp chair as well as my ass with the sparkler – husband more concerned about chair

38. Daughter named her toy horses Graham Cracker, Popsicle, and Allison. Apparently, like Lionel Ritchie, they are dancing on the ceiling in the back bunk.

39. The fronts of my legs are only burned on one side; I look like a half moon cookie,

40. My daughter says, fat, poop(ie), or butt(hole) about 37,000 times a day – Why?

41. As I watched a Hungarian looking man in a black speedo emerge from the lake Saturday afternoon, all I could think of was – “Saskatchewan!” (Grown Ups reference)

42. Sadly the most thought provoking conversation I had, was with my husband as to whether or not the Big Dipper is a spoon or a pan, and if it got its name because of who founded it. I say they got their names because they look like Dipping spoons. Husband things they are pans… I asked if he would make me pancakes in the morning on the Big Dipper… He was not amused L now I’m just hoping I’m correct. Of course, we couldn’t verify any of this because, as previously mentioned – We Had No Internet Service!

43. It’s quite apparent that there is no quiet time here at Limekiln as the guy across the way just brought out his guitar at 10:30pm. He plays well, so no reason to bitch. This and the kids yelling will go on well into the night, but we’re too exhausted to notice.

44. Ryder’s beat & wants to go to bed (sat night. 10:45) We can’t even drag him out to pee before bed time. Maggie on the other hand, will not go inside and Brett has to carry her in.

45. We’re questioning whether or not we could return unopened wood bundles to Nice n Easy (11:06pm)

46. Waiting for Brett to hose out the trailer at the Dumping station and daughter pretty adamantly wants a Dog bone. She threatened to leave me there at camp and let the black flies eat me to death if I did not share with her. What the Hell… I think it’s time to go home Batson Family.

Important Words

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 14:09:34 GMT

Some times when I'm working I make words up so that my family thinks I'm busy doing something important ...

#WAH #workfromhome

Chapter Book Time

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 14:07:55 GMT

This weekend Ellie asked me to read to her one of my books I have written.

We began with The Chasers!

She is very involved with the characters and wants me to keep reading way past her bedtime, but at the same time she continually asks if there will be more pictures. (She also loves that Grandpa, Grandma and myself drew the pictures... she thinks they're great!)

On Sunday night our 'Ladies Night,' Elle and I again joined forces with the Chasers (and some crumb cake) sharing their adventures on the mountain. I got to wondering as I read on, was it foreshadowing or just irony that I named the protagonist Kat and Ellie has always wanted us to call her Cat?

Get it here! - http://www.lulu.com/shop/michelle-ann-cramer/the-chasers/paperback/product-422033.html

Sleeping on the Floor

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 14:01:29 GMT

April 19th -

Before bed, I opened my daughters bedroom door to check on her and found her curled up on the floor - sound asleep!

I didn't know what to do, so I covered her up and left her there.

Boy some times parenting is just weird.

Beastie FlashBacks

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:58:57 GMT

April 16 -

Seriously just pulled put of the school parking lot w/ the windows down and Beastie Boys blaring! ---> 37 thousand flashbacks ensued...

"You miss two classes and no homework!"

Teach Them To Fly

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:56:31 GMT

and when the kids are old enough, We're gonna teach them to flyyyyy...
You and me together, we could do anything, Baby

- Dave Matthews Band

Mexican Grocery Store Standoff

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:54:34 GMT

Thursday Evening;

I was engaged in a Mexican Standoff with a bitch ass woman parked in front of me at the grocery store.

She wants me 2 leave 1st so she could pull out thru my spot... to this I responded, good luck with that beotch!

I can sit here all day longgggg ( no worries about the ice cream melting in my trunk! )

And yes, I WON!!

I FaceBook'd, text and twittered for 8 full minutes while she just STARED at me!

Finally she backed out and as she drove away, you know what I did ?? I pulled out through her spot and followed her out of the parking lot!

Take that and smoke it!

Failure is not an option!!

I LOVE IT!

Free !

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:49:36 GMT

These were my thoughts on Sunday morning...

Free to good? No, any home - 4 yr old, blonde haired, blue eyed, anger management enrollee. She cleans up after herself, makes her own meals, dusts & vacuums (I'm starting to wonder why she keeps us around) and will never let you leave the house without her fashion advise. She's clean, determined & self motivated with strong negotiation skills (she'll get you a new truck for below sticker price & they'll throw in an eco friendly hatch back for free when she's done with them) message me if you are interested. She comes with BP medication & Rogaine.

Kidding of course, but that's the kind of weekend we had - I blame it on the miserable rain.

Life Alert

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:47:34 GMT

The lady in the Life Alert commercial just said, "I'll give up bread, beer, wine or soda, but I won't give up Life Alert."

I'm thinkin' (and just spit balling here) but if she did give those things up, she might not require Life Alert!

The Doc Is In

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 13:45:28 GMT

Last night I had fun playing nurse for my own little Doc McStuffins aka Ellen.

She had her doctor's bag and supplies and an abundance of patients. I handed her the things she needed to heel the sick, and when Dad was coming, I had to "Go Stuffed!" [Basically play like I'm a stuffed animal like they do on the TV Show]

I loved hearing her say repeatedly, "I have a diagnosis! " with every patient and the creative illnesses she'd come up with.

My favorite was when she diagnosed her Dad with Heart Notbeatingitosis! To which I asked her if she knew the technical term for that? - Dead.

Her mouth gaped with shock!

Next she added that it was not beating because he has a rock in his heart, which of course sent me into hysterical laughter!!

This she drew in her Big Book of Boo Boos as she Diagnosed a cat that had rocks in it's ears!

One pic shows the injury, the other picture shows after she cured him!

Lost Horse

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:50:39 GMT

Friday evening I lost a 17+ hand gray horse...

How Does One Do THAT!!????

not to worry, I found him!

Then I found happiness in gold plated spurs ...

Maniacal Team Leader

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:48:36 GMT

I knew it was too quiet ... I walked into the living room to find all 3 of them ( Both dogs & the kid ) Surrounding the television... Then I heard a maniacal child say, " Team, get that cat!" And they started trying to get the cat!! She's an evil leader in the making...

I really must find that black Sharpie and re-draw the Hitler mustache on her.

Morons

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:46:27 GMT

All morons hate it when you call them a moron.

~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Never Crossed

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:45:47 GMT

People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross.

~Author Unknown

Sunlight

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:45:07 GMT

Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.

~Benjamin Franklin

The Catcher

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:35:28 GMT

My favorite passage from the book;

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be."

~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye, Chapter 22, spoken by the character Holden Caulfield

Such a poetic was of saying how much it sucks to grow up and everyone should be warned.

First there was Peter Pan passing along that message, then Salinger, now a days Geoffrey takes a stab at it ... where his approach is poetic, it just doesn't seem to have that same deep romantic approach.

"I don't wanna grow up, cause if I did, I wouldn't be a Toys R Us kid."

[ya that's deep]

Rupture, Tremor & Quakes

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:32:57 GMT

I honestly believe that in 2006 there was a rupture of geological faults that created a noise so loud and deafening that it, along with a tremor and quake that (God willing) would continue for the next 100 years.

We named this cataclysmic event, Ellen Noel...

.... then we brought it home.

She Dies??

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:28:34 GMT

The first time I ever read I Know An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly to my daughter, I froze when I got to the line, 'Perhaps she'll die.'

Ellen loved the book when she was a baby and we've read it many times. Somehow that book ended up in a bin down stairs with many others. We brought it up last week with a bunch of others and sat down to read it.

My daughter listened with delight as I read the first page. Then I got to the part where perhaps she'll die and she was shocked! Her face was covered in concern and disbelief!

I pressed on and finished the book light heartedly. At the end, she said she didn't like it.

Since then she's requested it a few more times and last night tried to tell me the storey herself.

Once again at the end, she told me that she would not like to ever hear that storey again.

I'm sure we'll read it again tomorrow...

Quinn ThighMaster

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 17:31:55 GMT

This Day/Week has been so boring - I give up. I'm gonna go exercise the tall cool Quinn and hope that a half hour of right, left, right sit and squeeze action will give me the results that not even Suzanne Somers' ThighMaster can offer!

C-YA!

Nightmares

Michelle Cramer-Batson — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 17:30:41 GMT

Such messed up dreams last night! I was afraid to go back to sleep.

We were sitting around a camp fire when I spotted very large raccoons. I knew she would spot them so I put my hand out reaching for Ellen and said, "don't even think about it." She then darted for them! I ended up losing her in the woods because I could not open my eyes to see her. She was running around me in circles laughing in an evil child like way.

Moments later a giant wolf like dog and a toy breed of some sort appeared and the wolf leapt at me grazing my scalp with his teeth.

The next thing I knew I was hiding and trying to find at the same time, a girl in a white night gown with bloody feet & big scissors ... & for some reason I looked like New Girl, actress Zooey Deschanel ...

Half way through my morning I realized it was Friday the 13th.... after the dream I had last night, this frightens me...